


Pipe Dreams and Better Things

by chiefprosecutie (orphan_account)



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: AH YES, AU, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Everybody does it 4 Johnny, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Dally/Cherry, Lots of cuddles, M/M, Mild Angst, OCs - Freeform, OCs really aren't an important part tho, Period-Typical Homophobia, Ponyboy's POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2688842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/chiefprosecutie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pony and Two-Bit check on Johnny in the hospital after the burning church incident and it seems like he might have a shot at living. However, it's uncertain how his trial will turn out, and what permanent damages he'll face afterwards. Where exactly will he stay once he's out of the hospital? And how will Ponyboy admit his feelings towards his best friend?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't proofread very well, my apologies. I'm already working on the second chapter though so even though these are kind of short you should have more soon!

Worried thoughts swirled around in my head as I jogged up the hospital stairs behind Two-Bit. Honestly, I didn't know what I was expecting. It felt strange to think that this was the first time I'd seen Johnny since Windrixville. I got dizzy and tried focusing on something else. There were colorful dots in the carpet on the ground. I stared hard at them to distract myself. But I couldn't stop the nausea in my stomach. Maybe he was dead already.

But when the door was pushed open and we stepped inside, he seemed... pretty bad, but alright at the same time. More alright than he could've been, at least. He set aside a book he was reading and grinned up at us. He seemed pale and weak, but I was just glad he wasn't in a coma or something. That would've drove me nuts. We were all lucky that Dally dove in at the last minute to scoop up Johnny, even though parts of the building had still collapsed on them both. Boy, I'd have to visit Dally later and thank him. It wasn't like him, what he did.

I walked closer towards him. The burns all over his body looked painful, and I noticed him wince every once in a while. He gets real twitchy and can't sit still when he's hurt. His breathing was louder, heavier than normal- probably from breathing in all that smoke. He'd have to lay off the cigarettes for a while if he made it out

There it was. "If". Don't say "if". He's going to be just fine. His hair will grow back to the length it was and some of his scars will heal. I wondered how he'd change after all this was over. He'd still have to be put on trial for killing that Soc. I knew that it was self-defense and all, I wasn't worried about that bit. But part of me did worry that the judges would find out about his abusive parents and stick him in a boys' home somewhere.

Not that I want him to stay with 'em, either. His parents made me sick. I'd hardly ever seen them, but I had seen the cuts they'd left on him, and that was enough to make me to hate their lousy guts. But I also reallllly didn't want him to be sent somewhere the gang couldn't look after him. We needed Johnny. Johnny needed us. Besides, he could get adopted by some family that lives far away and turns out to be as rotten as his first parents.

"Pony?" He said quietly. I turned towards him. I'd forgotten how close I was.

"I think I know what that author meant... by the poem."

"What's that?" I asked.

Suddenly he seemed much more tired. "Um... nevermind, I'll just tell you later. Once I'm outta here."

I remembered that Two-Bit was in the room. That made the situation feel more awkward somehow. I backed away, allowing the other greaser to move closer to where Johnny was. 

"Brought ya this," He said grinning, placing Johnny's jean jacket on the end-table next to him. "When'll you be free from this place, anyway?"

"If I get better, they think it'll be around another week. And I'll still have to come back often for check-ups and stuff." He said, and sighed. "I don't wanna go home. Man, I hate it there."

I switched places with Two-Bit again, but this time I kneeled down so our faces would be on the same level.

"Now, you're gonna be just fine." I stated it like it was fact and I think I even believed it myself. I know I lie to myself a lot, but this just wasn't the same. I took his hand and rubbed his palm with my thumb, the same way Soda did to reassure me when I was a kid.

His hands were a lot different from my brother's. He had long, slim fingers, but stubby nails. Probably from biting them all the time. All the same, it felt real nice, and I think I even cheered him up from the way he smiled at me. He usually hates to smile with his teeth, but his lips were slightly parted open.

Two-Bit chuckled. "Alright kids, you done here?"

My ears got red and I stood up to my feet, almost knocking over the lamp on the end-table. I'm clumsy that way sometimes. I don't know why I was embarrassed, though.

"C'mon, let's go. I bet Dally's been lonely." He said it jokingly, because Dallas Winston never got lonely. He could handle anything. I made eye-contact with Johnny one last time before exiting with Two-Bit.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking away from Dally's hospital room, I still wondered why he'd saved Johnny in the first place. Maybe he really was gallant like Johnny had said. But he hadn't made a big deal about it when Two-Bit asked. He just said something like "Yeah, whatever man. I just didn't think I'd get hurt, or I probably wouldn't have done it." I still just don't know what really would've happened, though, and that bugs me. During the fire, everything was happening so fast, I think anything could've happened. 

I got back home and spent the rest of the day mostly eating. I was still a little underweight after being unconscious for so long and staying in the church. It seemed like ages, but it was only a few weeks. It actually felt kinda nice with just me and Johnny there because I felt like I could be myself. There's never any pressure about whether you'll say the wrong thing with him, because there's no wrong thing to say.

He's never been a big fan of girls. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was scared of 'em. I don't know if he'll ever grow out of it, but maybe he doesn't need to. Somehow I didn't like the idea of him with a girlfriend, because there just weren't any girls around that'd be good enough for him. In all honesty, it made me jealous. It kinda upset me, the more I thought about it, because I don't know why I'd ever be angry about something like that. I should be happy for him if that happens. Because he was my buddy.

\-----------------------------------------------------

I decided to drop in and visit Soda at the DX on my way back, just because I feel like he's missed talking to me with my being missing and knocked out and all. Besides, I had a question.

I stepped inside and there was my brother, charming some girl at the counter. She didn't look like a Soc, but she didn't look like a grease, either.

"Hey, Soda!" I called.

He shot me a grin and waved me over, saying goodbye to the girl.

"Hey there!" He greeted. "What's the occasion?"

I suddenly felt dumb for wanting to ask the question, so I simply replied, "Oh, I just figured I'd swing by on my way back from the hospital."

"Really? How're Dally and Johnny?"

"I think they're gonna be just fine." I said happily, though I was still unsure.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, that's good to hear. They've had me pretty worried lately."

"Um..." It was now or never. I just wished I wasn't so awkward with these things. "Soda, when did you start getting interested in, you know, girls?" I blushed, feeling stupid.

He didn't seem to think it was all that dumb, though. "I think I was around 12. Yeah, around the time I entered middle school. I hated that place, but I sure did love all the girls. Why?"

A chill went up my spine. I've had crushes on chicks here and there, like Cherry Valance, but I honestly never LIKE-liked them for much more than their looks. They were really pretty and really sweet, but I could never get very... connected to them. I don't know how to put it. Having had confirmation that yes, I was weird, I started to feel pretty self-conscious.

I swallowed. "No reason in particular."

"Are you sure? Pony, everyone's different. If you don't like girls now, you'll grow out of it eventually. Don't you like that cute Soc girl?"

"Sort of... maybe. I don't know. Besides, Dally'd kill me if I went for her. You know that."

Soda smirked. "You think so? Oh well. Even if you don't lend up liking 'em, that's fine, really. There's more to life than romance."

I felt a little better. Sodapop sure had a way with words. He always knows just what to say to reassure you. I walked back home and pondered the conversation... and something I was beginning to suspect about myself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a bit longer. I just wanted to progress a lot of the story while adhering to the canon at the same time and it ended up taking up a lot of space... sorry!

I had to be losing my mind. But it was all making sense now, and all the evidence was being pieced together in my mind. It was unheard of. It wasn't that I didn't like girls... it was that I liked boys. They'd always made me feel safer, warmer, and now that I thought about it, I'd often daydreamed about them or drew boys I found good-looking. I'd thought it was just idolization. I was wrong.

I walked faster without realizing it, my eyes wide. I didn't know why or how I was like this, but it had to stop. I was more ashamed than I'd ever been in my life. What would Soda think? He'd said it was okay NOT to like girls, not to go around liking boys! Him and Darry would kick me out. They wouldn't want to have anything to do with me after finding out I was some queer.

I felt tears starting to form at the corners of my eyes, but I managed to stop myself from crying until I got home. Nobody was there, so it was alright to bury my face into my pillow and cry. That just made me feel more like a pansy than I did already. How could I ever tell anyone? The gang was all I had.

I hated myself so much at that moment, but as I calmed down and my senses returned, I hated the world around me instead. Was it so wrong? Wasn't there someplace out there, someplace where everybody could be themselves without being judged for every little thing?

I found myself wishing Johnny was here. He really was a good listener. He'd probably let me lean my head on his shoulder, and I'd fall asleep because I was so relaxed, and I'd feel more at ease than I was with anybody else.

Wait. Did I have a thing for Johnny? I broke out into a sweat again. Please, anyone but him. Not my best friend. Why did I have to be this way? More than anything, I wished that I could just be into chicks like a normal guy my age ought to be. But I wasn't.

\---------------------------------------------

I'd forgotten about the rumble. I usually don't forget things that are so important, but I was just so stressed. Fighting wasn't my thing anymore, but I still begged to go. I don't know why.

Some Soc threw the first punch at Darry, and all hell broke loose. Dally rushed in at the last second.

"Dally?" I said, bewildered. "I thought you were still in the hospital."

He flashed me one of his signature smirks. "Don't you know a rumble ain't a rumble without me?"

Before I could respond, I was tackled to the ground from behind by some huge kid in a letterman jacket. I yelped in surprise and Dally kicked him in the head. I reddened. How could I have let that happen? I hurried off and helped Two-Bit send some guy packing. The Socs finally surrendered, hopping into their Mustangs and driving away.

Dally drove me to the hospital afterwards so we could tell Johnny the good news. He sat up when we walked in, and his burns seemed to be fading little by little.

"Johnny," Dally told him, his face all lit up. "We beat the Socs, man."

He just frowned. "Fighting's no good..."

I saw Dally's face sink, and I felt pretty bad for him. I approached the side of the bed.

"Th-think you'll be out soon?" I stuttered. I was still pretty shaky from the fight.

"Yeah. I think I will. The doctor says a few days, but I'll need regular check-ups..." He paused. "But I know my folks don't care. They won't bother to take me up here, and going by myself isn't an option. I'll be okay though, Ponyboy, so don't worry about me."

Despite his words, I was anxious anyway. I doubt he'd be able to walk properly once he was released, and he'd have a pretty hard time getting around without... help.

"I've got an idea! You can come back to my house. You'd have to share a bed with somebody, and we don't have much space, but we could help you get around when you needed it."

"That's too much trouble. It's all my fault you're in this mess, remember? I couldn't. And what about the trial?"

"You've got to stay someplace before the trial. And it was all in self-defense, anyway. As long as we tell the truth, things'll all work out just fine."

"Well... I mean..."

"My brothers will be fine with it, I'm sure they will." I said.

"Okay." He muttered, and finally gave in.


	4. Chapter 4

After making the arrangements with my brothers and doing a lot of anxious waiting, Johnny was finally allowed out of the hospital.

Me, Sodapop, and Darry entered the room where he was.

"...Hi." He said shyly. He looked visibly better from the last time I'd seen him, as the color had returned to his face.

Soda was the first to reply. "Alright then, Johnny, I bet you're pretty anxious to be outta here, huh?"

"Yeah. I'm really sick of hospital food. I haven't had a decent meal since... um, well..."

"I know what you mean," He said. "Let's get a move on."

He rose from his pillow and stuck a leg out from his blanket, wincing a little. He swung his other foot over and tried to stand up using the bed for support. He tripped and landed back on the mattress.

"Johnny?" I gasped.

I ran to his side impulsively, then felt awkward immediately after. I think I liked myself better when I didn't actually know I was gay. I started reaching out with my arm to help him up, but stopped. I froze up and swallowed, glancing towards my brothers, as if I was asking permission to help my friend that had been crushed by several pounds of burning wood. They scrunched their faces up in confusion.

I felt my ears get warm. I spun back around took his hand, helping him to his feet. He had really soft hands. I gulped, but I didn't let go, and led him to the other side of the room.

Everybody was acting normally. Good thing nobody had noticed I was in a fluster.

When we finally got back home, we didn't have much to do. Me and Johnny weren't sure what to do to pass the time, so we sat and watched TV for a while. Then Two-Bit showed up.

"Johnnycake! Look who's all better now." He crowed. He brought an extra beer for Darry (even though he doesn't drink) and plopped down on the sofa next to me. Nobody ever sat in Darry's favorite chair. It was an unspoken rule.

"Hi, Two-Bit." Johnny said.

He didn't reply, because he'd gotten very absorbed into the show we were watching. Some Mickey Mouse short. At that point I was pretty tired of staring at the TV.

"Hey," Johnny said quietly, "You wanna go to the lot?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for "no homo". Sorry this one was kind of short. :P


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some half-angsty, half-fluffy stuff. He's only 14, y'know.

We went a few blocks from my house to our usual hangout. I had to support Johnny while he walked, and I was kind of blushing, but there wasn't much light out and he couldn't notice. I was really wishing I had a jacket.It was then that I realized we hadn't been here since the night we ran away.

Darry'd probably be cross once we came back, but I had no intention of falling asleep here again. The place was making me more nervous than calm.

I was pretty sure Johnny felt the same way, because he wouldn't stop shivering. I lit a small fire and sat down by one of the logs, trying to keep a little distance between me and him. I would just have to wait until this went away. Maybe it would go away completely. I'd get married someday, start a family, and nobody would ever really need to know.

But then he leaned against me, and I knew I was done for. He was an affectionate type of person, and I tended not to mind. Things were different now, though. I swallowed and tried to focus on something else. 

"Ponyboy?"

"...Yeah?"

"What's the matter?" He asked. "You're so tense. You seem kind of spooked."

"Naw." I lied.

Of course, that whole interaction just made me more self-conscious.

"Which one's that?" He changed the subject and pointed at the sky. I knew all about the constellations from books, and sometimes we tried to look for them together.

"That one's Aquila. See? There's the bow and arrow. We might be able to find Lyra around this time of year, too..."

"Huh. Oh, yeah! I see the eagle part now, but Lyra's always really hard to see."

He repositioned himself so that my head was just barely brushing against his shoulder. My ears were probably pretty red at this point, and I wasn't sure what to do. If I sat up, he'd be confused and know something was up. I couldn't hurt Johnnycake's feelings or anything.

So I rested against him comfortably and tried to relax. To be fair, it was pretty cold.

He was pretty warm. I could tell he was breathing softly from the way he moved, and I was struck again with how PRETTY he was. Any of Soda or Two-Bit's girls had nothing on him. I figured it would never end, my feelings toward him, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing, anyway. So long as he never found out. Ever.

He looked younger when he slept. I didn't dare go to sleep too, because my brothers would worry themselves sick again. I just had to appreciate little moments like these, when nobody was around but me and him. I liked how we didn't always have to be talking just to understand each other. I meet so many folks that always feel desperately like they have to make conversation. Sometimes, silence doesn't have to be filled with anything.

After what felt like eternity, I left his side and cautiously went back home. Even though Soda and I shared a bed, I felt lonelier than ever. I curled up next to my brother until I eventually fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eventually I plan on writing a longer fic, this one's more of a warm-up. That's why the chapters are so short. My apologies for not updating earlier, too!


	6. Chapter 6

The days went by, and the rest of the gang frequently checked in at our house to see Johnny. He was slowly recovering, I noticed. He didn't wince with each step like before. Even so, nobody was feeling too pleasant that day.

Me and Johnny's trial was tomorrow. I was mostly anxious about being separated from my brothers and the gang. I could never do without them. If I went to a boy's home, I might not be able to go to college, either, though that was the least of my worries. Johnny really had killed Bob. But he went in after me to save those kids, almost killing himself doing it, and he might still get a death sentence? It was unfair.

The air was full of tension, and Darry didn't ask me to do any chores or even tell me to do my homework. If there was a way for Darry to be acting nervous, he was doing it. It was a little scary to see him of all people out of control. And Soda was just quiet. 

We were to be at the courthouse at 10 A.M. the next day. The anticipation made the day long and boring. We all kept our mouths shut, not in the mood to say much of anything.

Later that night, I crawled into bed with Soda a little earlier, just to talk about something. It was about time I tested the waters with a certain topic, even though it might not have been the best time.

"Hey... Sodapop." I mumbled.

"Yeah?"

Suddenly talking about this seemed harder than I thought. I blurted, "Well, uh... you ever think about kissing boys once in a while? Just sometimes, I mean. That's normal, right?"

"I guess so. It doesn't really happen to me. And it probably depends on who it is, hehe."

My heart skipped a beat. I couldn't tell him WHO it was, yet. Maybe not ever. I had to pause just to remind myself that there was no way he knew.

I just laughed half-heartedly. "Okay, tuff enough."

He turned around. "What do you need to know for?" He fixed me with a stare that was so intense I could've shuddered. I couldn't tell what he was feeling.

"Oh, it's just a weird, uh, thing that happens once in a while. Rarely. It's nothing, I mean it."

I looked him in the eyes and nearly went into panic mode, but I don't think he could tell through the darkness.

"Alright." He said curiously, and turned over. I tried to relax. "You're an okay kid, Ponyboy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave reviews! They motivate me to do stuff.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a review with constructive criticism or w/e! I love hearing things from my readers!


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